The most famous Stoic idea opens the Enchiridion, or “Handbook,” of Epictetus, a short summary of his teaching compiled by his student Arrian in the second century CE. In Elizabeth Carter's 1758 translation it begins: “Some things are in our control and others not.”

The two lists

Carter's translation continues: “Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our own actions.”

So up to us are our judgments, our intentions and choices, what we desire and what we avoid. Not up to us are our bodies, our possessions, other people's opinions of us, and our positions of power. These things may be influenced by what we do, but they are never fully ours to command.

The body's place on the second list surprises many readers. Epictetus means that illness, injury, aging and death can come whatever we choose, so we should not stake our happiness on them.

Why it matters

Epictetus argues that most misery comes from wanting what is not up to us, or trying to avoid what we cannot escape. If I set my heart on being praised, I put my peace in the hands of others. If I fear illness above all, I will always be anxious, because illness can come anyway. By contrast, if I focus my desires and aversions on my own choices, nothing can force me to fail at what I care about most. The Handbook promises that someone who grasps this will never be compelled or hindered, and will blame no one.

Judgments, not things

A closely linked passage (chapter 5) says, in Carter's version: “Men are disturbed not by things, but by the principles and notions which they form concerning things.” Epictetus gives the example of death: death is not terrible in itself, or it would have seemed terrible to Socrates. What makes it terrible is our judgment that it is terrible. Since judgments are up to us, so in an important sense is our distress.

The archer

Does this mean we stop caring about results? Not according to the Stoics. Cicero, describing Stoic views in On Ends, uses the image of an archer. The archer does everything in her power to hit the target: she chooses a good bow, aims carefully and draws smoothly. Once the arrow leaves the string, a gust of wind may carry it off. Her real goal is to shoot well, doing everything in her power; hitting the target is something she aims at but does not fully control. Stoics thus act energetically in the world while placing their sense of success in the quality of their own effort and character.

A common modern version

Modern writers sometimes add a middle category for things we partly control, such as winning a tennis match. Many scholars reply that the original two-part division already handles this: you split the goal into the part that is yours (training hard, playing your best) and the part that is not (the final score). The serenity prayer, popular in twentieth-century recovery groups, expresses a similar idea, though it comes from a Christian rather than a Stoic source.

Misreadings to avoid

• It is not a call to give up. Our choices are up to us, and we are responsible for making them well.
• It is not indifference to others. Caring for people is one of our choices; what we cannot control is how they respond or what happens to them.
• It is not denial. The Stoic sees painful facts clearly but refuses to add false judgments to them.

Worked example: sorting a stressful week

Dev runs a small bakery. In one week, a customer posts an angry online review, a flour delivery is delayed, his doctor orders tests after a checkup, and he argues with his brother about caring for their mother. Dev feels pulled in every direction. Here is how Epictetus' division might help him sort the week.

• The review. Not up to Dev: what the customer thinks or writes. Up to Dev: whether he reads it fairly, replies politely, and fixes any real problem it reveals.
• The delivery. Not up to him: the supplier's trucks. Up to him: telling customers honestly, adjusting the menu, and perhaps finding a backup supplier.
• The tests. Not up to him: the results. His body is on Epictetus' second list. Up to him: keeping the appointment, following sensible advice, and not spending every night imagining the worst.
• His brother. Not up to him: his brother's opinions and tone. Up to him: listening, stating his own view calmly, and doing his share for their mother.

Notice that each problem contains both kinds of things. Dev does not stop caring about his business, his health or his family; he changes where he puts his effort and his sense of success. Like Cicero's archer, he aims carefully at good outcomes but measures himself by how well he shot.

Notice also the judgments at work. The review stung because Dev judged, “This proves I'm a failure.” Epictetus would say the review is just words on a screen; the sense of disaster came from Dev's own interpretation of them. Changing that judgment is the one part of the situation entirely in his hands, and it is often the part that brings the most relief.