During a lecture, the Oxford linguistic philosopher J. L. Austin made the claim that although a in English implies a positive meaning, there is no language in which a double positive implies a negative. Morgenbesser responded in a dismissive tone, "Yeah, yeah."

When challenged why he had written so little, he fired back: "Moses wrote one book. Then what did he do?"

When asked his opinion of pragmatism, Morgenbesser replied "It's all very well in theory but it doesn't work in practice."

A proposed response to Heidegger's ontological query "Why is there something rather than nothing?" – "And if there were nothing? You'd still be complaining!"

A few weeks before his death, he asked another Columbia philosopher, David Albert, about God. "Why is God making me suffer so much?" he asked. "Just because I don't believe in him?"

Asked to prove a questioner's existence, Morgenbesser shot back, "Who's asking?"

A student once interrupted him and said, "I just don't understand." He responded, "Why should you have the advantage over me?"

Of Hilary Putnam – "He’s a quantum philosopher. I can’t understand him and his position at the same time."